best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
