Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
