hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
