You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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