I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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