How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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