So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
