god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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