I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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