Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
