Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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