Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
