Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
