Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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