Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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