the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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