I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What a dumb baby whore.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
