Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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