Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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