My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
