Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
