Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
