If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
