I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
