Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
