I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
