But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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