dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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