I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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