To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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