Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
