Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
