remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
