if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
