Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
