We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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