I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
