3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
