I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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