i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
