once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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