Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
