i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
