JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
