i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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