Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
