i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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