You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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