she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
