My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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