ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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